Dan in Real Life – DivX Version (Normal Quality), iPod/iPhone Version, HD Ready:720p (Super Quality)
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IMDB rating: 7.50 Plot: Dan Burns is a single father who dedicates his life to his children, but one day he meets Marie at a bookstore. They get to know each other, but then Dan finds out that Marie is actually dating his brother, Mitch Burns. |
Available versions:
DivX Version (Normal Quality), iPod/iPhone Version, HD Ready:720p (Super Quality)
Actors: Carell Steve,Cook Dane,Mahoney John,Butz Norbert Leo,Wood Frank,Miller Henry,Adams C.J.,Comedy,Drama,Romance,
Please help…Do I have some sort of mental illness?
This is a very long story, but I really think something has to be wrong with me…normal people don’t act this way. If anyone has any advice or can help me identify what might be wrong with me, I would greatly appreciate it.
I am a 19 year old female. I got raped when I was 16 by a guy I barely knew that I went to school with. Whenever it first happened, I thought it was all my fault. I was the one who lied to my parents and went to his house without permission. After that, I pretty much fell apart for a while. I started making up any excuse to avoid going to school so I wouldn’t have to see him anymore…even after he graduated, I still made excuses to avoid going (because everything there reminded me of him), which of course caused me to get all Ds or Fs on my report card. I didn’t tell my mom until about halfway through my senior year the real reason I wanted to stop going. She then talked to my counselor and got me set up in an alternative school at a different location. I also started going to therapy and taking antidepressants.
I stopped going to therapy after about 4 sessions because it really didn’t feel like the therapist cared or even wanted to help. I stopped taking the meds as well. I became a loner. I would turn down all invites to get together with my friends. I liked being by myself. I had a few boyfriends but nothing lasted very long. I just didn’t want them around…i felt like they didn’t know me or have much in common with me.
after a few more months, things started getting better. i reconnected with old friends and made new ones. then i met Dan. Dan and I dated for about 4 months, and then he cheated on me with his ex. i was devastated. they were together for about 3 days before he came crawling back to me. i took him back but he seemed distant. we lasted about another month. and then he moved an hour away and didn’t even really tell me or anything.
it was hard at first being without him. but i slowly got over it. i started going to concerts with friends and getting my life back again. then in july, he came back and told me how much he missed me and all our inside jokes and how we had so much in common. i took him back immediately and we made it official that we were together to all our friends. things were going great. he even told me he was in love with me.
for some reason, about a month and a half ago, i started getting out of control. i would cry every single day about absolutely nothing. none of it made any sense. i was seeing dan every day, literally, and if he wanted to take some time to be with his friends, i would fall apart. i know it is completely irrational but when it was happening, i felt like it made sense…like he was doing something wrong.
i started getting paranoid. i thought that every time he left, he was with someone else…even though he would call to check on me and i knew exactly who he was with. i still thought he was seeing someone and had lied about ever loving me.
every single day, im afraid that something is wrong and that he hates me now, even though he says he doesn’t. he says he still loves me. by me being so paranoid and emotional around him every day, i know im pushing him away and i cant stop it. i love him and i don’t want it to end because of my stupid emotional issues.
also, whenever i go places like the mall or restaurants, every time i see a group of people laughing or talking quietly, i think they must be saying how ugly or stupid i look. this has kept me from getting a full time job. i also cant do anything with a large group of people that i don’t know because im afraid they all hate me. the only person i feel comfortable around is dan and im scaring him away. i don’t understand why all of a sudden im like this when we had been together a lot longer and i wasn’t so emotional back then.
can someone please give me some advice? i don’t want to lose the only good thing i have in my life…
I have told Dan about being raped. He told me that I shouldnt be this emotional (crying every single day and paranoid hes going to leave me) he says I should be emotionally hollow because of it…is this true? is there something wrong with me because being raped made me way more emotional than i was before?
Sweetie, please try seeing another therapist again. Definitely a woman therapist. i’ve felt the irrational paranoia you’re feeling with relationships and in public. A good therapist will help you retrain your brain. when we get in bad habits like this (having negative thoughts, etc), we tend to continue and it’s really hard to change without help. A therapist will help you learn how to gain control of your life. Medication may be a temporary or permanent help along with therapy. When the chemicals in your brain are off balance it makes it impossible to be rational.
And no, nothing is ‘wrong’ with you. You’re human! And you’ve gone through a lot in your 19 years! We ALL have our issues! Even people who appear to have it all together!
It sounds like you still have a lot of unresolved issues with Dan (i mean, why did he just move away without saying anything? why did he cheat? why should you believe him now after he broke your trust?) and hopefully a therapist can help you open communication with him. I think that may be why you’re feeling so worried and anxious all the time. Because you haven’t figured all this out with him.
Good luck with everything! I was in a dysfunctional relationship when i was around your age (although i didn’t realize it at the time) and eventually a therapist helped me gain confidence, sort things out, and i’m now the happiest i’ve ever been!
alison | Nov 01, 2009
It sounds like post traumatic stress disorder..and you really should go back to therapy. I’m not saying to go back to the same therapist…sometimes it takes time to find the right one..the right fit. Keep searching until you find that one that is compatible with you because just as in life, with friends, family, co-workers, etc…we don’t always click with everyone. You really need to find one that you can connect with. You need to work out these issues through therapy. Medication alone is not going to take care of the problem.
faeorain | Nov 01, 2009
you probably just are worried because of your previous relations with men… but i wouldn’t call it a mental illness. I would see a different professional then your current one to get everything in your head strait. It helps a lot you just need to find someone you are comfortable with, its hard to talk to someone about private things when they don’t seem at all effected or sympathetic to your problems.
Liz | Nov 01, 2009
You really need to find a therapist that you feel does care for you and be prepared to spend at least a dozen sessions with them. You have several deep issues that can be managed and recovery experienced, but it won’t happen over night. So get youreself ready for the long haul and find the therapist that you relate to freely. Take care and good luck.
Warren Davenport | Nov 01, 2009
You were in therapy and on medication and stopped. That may be ‘part’ of the reason.
being raped is a horrible thing and it has affected you.
Being in a relationship in which you are cheated on is also very stressful.
I think you are angry, depressed and anxious. These feelings are normal, but they are making you doubt yourself and others. You are reading into things and starting to feel a bit paranoid.
You are dealing with alot of frustration and need an outlet. becoming too possessive of a guy will drive them away–as it is too much for them.
I would suggest finding a therapist/psychiatrist who you like and are comfortable with.
Antidepressants take up to 6 weeks to reach a therapeutic level in your blood. many people give up before they have had the chance to start working.
best wishes.
ChiLady | Nov 01, 2009
Get someone to talk to even if its just kids helpline. Someones voice should comfort you enough. Try seeing a therapist but not the same one.
Good luck to you and dan hope you last for years to come. have fun.
Itachi | Nov 01, 2009
I’m so sorry about what you went through! It wasn’t your fault by any means! He should have had criminal charges made against him! Is it too late for this? Maybe you would gain some personal strength knowing you could prevent him from doing this to someone else. I have heard many stories of people going through something traumatic and then they watch the rest of the world having fun and being all silly. I know, I’ve been there. Not the same situation as yours, but something traumatic. Those people seem naive and just plain silly! I agree with the person above me who answered. Maybe it’s post-traumatic stress disorder. This is when you’ve been through a traumatic incident and your mind can’t just go back to what it was doing before. It can though, with good therapy and time. You do have to shop around for a counselor, too. The one you had could be burned out on her job or has problems of her own. Find someone that wants to focus on you. I know I would want to focus on you! I want to give you a big hug right now! Hang in there. The reason you don’t trust the guy may be a separate issue. He gave you a reason not to trust him in the first place! Take care. =)
PrettyP | Nov 01, 2009
You are going to be okay. Nothing was your fault. You just want to feel safe in your relationship. There are trust issues. Don’t shut yourself out from people that love you. These people are your strength. It is okay to be emotional and to cry, you had a traumatic experience happen to you. You are not crazy, it sounds like you just need someone to talk to that understands what you went through. This will past I promise.
MissBall | Nov 01, 2009
First, are you still feeling badly about the rape? Responsible? Unworthy of a decent man, like Dan (does he know)?
There’s been a push to let women and girls know that when they’re raped, it’s not their fault-and it isn’t. Were the police called, in your case?
If you are feeling guilty, and the rapist is walking the streets, you may benefit from therapy. Also, if the statute of limitations hasn’t run out, you may still be able to prosecute. It;ll be difficult, but you’ll feel much better if he’s convicted. Nothing feels better than vindication!
Just keep telling yourself-the rape WAS NOT your fault! You may have to "shop around" for therapists-if you don’t start to feel better, it’s worth it.
Now, if Dan doesn’t know, there’s no rush to tell him-unless he’s likely to find out, or you plan to take your relationship to the next level. If he blames you, trust me, he’s not worth crying over-so, you may want to tell him, soon.
but, hey, I’m not a professional therapist-and the others who answered, so far, aren’t either. So, try to find a good one, with whom you can speak comfortably. And never, ever.blame yourself for the rape, or let others do so.
Get going, soon, and best of luck to you!!
Levone | Nov 01, 2009
You poor baby. I am so sorry this is happening to you.
I have been there. I was raped twice by two different men in one year, about 10 months apart. The year I was 19. It was date rape both times and it was horrific mostly because I became pregnant (the second time) and had to have an abortion. Uuugh, awful. Now I am 38 years old and I have a gorgeous 6 year old daughter who I absolutely adore. You will get over all of this. Just know that you will eventually be very secure and very happy again.
I think you should see another psychiatrist. Make sure to do therapy and medication if you can (the right Dr will know what you need and you will know the right Dr when you meet him or her). The medication is important in order to "reset" your neurons in your brain if you are severely depressed by what happened.
Perhaps you are lashing out at your boyfriend because it is starting to feel safe for you to do this? You trust him, he says he loves you, so you test his love by freaking out on him? Just a thought.
I think you really need to try to find your own interests and persue life outside of just a boyfriend. Most men are wonderful creatures but they cannot bring you happiness like a person brings a present. You have to find your own happiness and that means you have to get to know yourself and feel good about who you are. The best and fastest way to do this is to create a goal and start working toward it. College or career is a good thing to focus on other than just a relationship with a man. You are very young and I assume your boyfriend is equally young and while you may be together forever, the chances are greater that you will not be together forever and you need to have your own interests and your own friends. Besides, people who have interests are more interesting and men do not want to date boring women. I know you are probably saying I don’t even have any desire right now to work toward some stupid goal and I understand that completely but I will tell you to just fake it until you make it. Work toward something positive in your life, a goal to become something, it totally does not matter what it is or if you want to do that forever. It really doesn’t. Just working toward a goal will ever so slowly give you back what has been taken away from you and you will feel strong and happy again. But freaking out and being overly emotional and doing nothing will not help you. Trust me on this, I know this from experience.
Also, keep this in mind. It will sound harsh but I don’t mean it that way. People are not laughing at you or talking about you. Most people are much too busy thinking about themselves and their own lives to be thinking about you when you are walking through some mall. I don’t mean that you are not important because you are, but people are all very naturally self-absorbed and they do not spend alot of time thinking about someone they don’t even know.
Keep in mind that while what you have experienced was awful, you don’t have to continue to live it. You are entitled to move on to a happier place and let it be something that happend to you but it is not something that defines you. I pray that you are healed from this burden and you have happiness again sooner than you even expect it.
And that reminds me, the bible is a great place to turn to when you are feeling very horrible and out of control. I highly suggest Joyce Meyer’s Enjoying Everyday Life bible because it is very readable and they use our modern English to explain the comforting messages that God wants you to know in this life. I wouldn’t have embraced this at 19 so I don’t blame you if you don’t either, but from one survivor to another, you will get over this. Peace and love to you.
Han Kuan Han | Nov 01, 2009